"Wading neck deep in a swamp, your revolver is neither use nor ornament until you have had time to clean it" Mary H. Kingsley (1897)

The Tourist’s Alphabet by Mr Punch’s Railway Book

A is the affable guard whom you square:
B is the “Bradshaw” which leads you to swear:
C is the corner you fight to obtain:
D is the draught of which others complain:
E are the enemies made for the day:
F is the frown that you wear all the way:
G is the guilt that you feel going third:
H is the humbug by which you’re deterred:
I is the insult you’ll get down the line:
J is the junction where you’ll try to dine:
K is the kettle of tea three weeks old:
L are the lemon drops better unsold:
M is the maiden who says there’s no meat:
N is the nothing you thus get to eat:
O is the oath that you use – and do right:
P is the paper to which you don’t write:
Q are the qualms to directors unknown:
R is the row which you’ll find all your own:
S is the smash that is “nobody’s fault:”
T is the truth, that will come to a halt:
U is the pointsman – who’s up the whole night:
V is the verdict that says it’s “all right.”
W stands for wheels flying off curves:
X for express that half shatters your nerves:
Y for the yoke from your neck that you fling,
And Z for your zest as you cut the whole thing!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s